I started my new school at the beginning of my sophomore year. Virginia would introduce me to new people, but I didn’t really do anything social with anyone from my new school… until New Years. I went to a New Year’s Eve party with friends from my old school, but it was actually a mixture of people from my old & new school. Which I didn’t really care about, I was just there to have fun.
I guess I got a little drunk, nothing crazy a little buzz maybe. I was just happy to be around old friends again. My friend had introduced me to this guy at my new school before this particular night but I wasn’t really interested in getting to know him, I didn’t really try to meet new people or make new friends because I was just so pissed about switching schools and such. So this guy was at the New Years party, we’ll call him Will. Will & I began talking and hung out a good bit of the night. He ended up being my midnight Kiss that night, it was innocent and I don’t think either of us thought a relationship would form after that night.
If you know anything about high school, you know you get your second semester schedules after that Christmas break. It just so happened Will and I had a class together, 7th hour to be exact. To sum it up after that New Years night we dated. He had cheated on me during high school once (to my knowledge.) of course I forgave him.
Sophomore year goes by & we dated a good amount of that year, we broke up for the summer I’m pretty sure. But when Junior year began we got back together around October that year again. Things were normal, we were both in high school, we had a normal “high school” relationship. We were young.
It was November of Junior year that I experienced my first panic attack. AT SCHOOL. It was after lunch in a computer class I had. I remember like it was yesterday. I was sitting at my computer when literally out of nowhere I had this sudden urge of heaviness come over me, I started to feel like I couldn’t breath, I got extremely hot, I felt like everyone was looking at me. All I could think was get me the hell out of here, NOW!
The first thing that came to my mind was to get water and try to cool myself down, I felt like I was on fire. Thankfully I drove at the time & I ran to my car and drove myself home, Mid school day and everything. Sue me. I felt like I was dying, and it was the first time I had ever experienced anything like that. That was my very first anxiety/panic attack I’ve ever had in my Life. Terrifying.
This went on for a good 3 months until I could not take it anymore. It began happening daily and I ended up dropping out of school, & did homeschooling.
At this time I developed Agoraphobia. If you’re not familiar with the term, I did a blog post about this previously! But that’s a whole other topic for a whole other blog! 🙂
Side note: I feel like This blog might seem a bit random to someone who doesn’t know me, but I told you about Will because he played a vital part of my life as you will soon see in other blogs.
Also, the photos on this blog will be from around the time I was first experiencing panic attacks. Again, you will notice how thin I was.
Till next time
Still I Rise,