The thing is, Will & I’s relationship didn’t turn toxic until after we went through all of that.. let me make one thing loud, and clear. You can not change someone. And I don’t mean this for the girls that want to change a man exactly how she wants them, or change the way they dress or music they listen to. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about an addict. You can not change them, and most importantly you can not fix them. It took me 5 years to learn this, and many many heartaches.
The same night that Will came home from the hospital & I went to visit him, he had real weed to smoke. “It was okay though because it wasn’t mojo it was real weed..” all while he had pneumonia. I remember being so mad about that. He had just been through so much emotionally and physically I decided not to say anything about it. And I definitely didn’t tell his mom. Through out Will and I’s relationship his mom, Mrs. Sharon and I had a very close relationship and his sister as well.. I would talk to them, and was open with them about everything Will did from there on out after we went through all of that.
If you’re in a relationship with an addict, of any kind. Alcohol, pills, mojo, whatever. Please cut yourself some slack and know from the bottom of your heart you can not change them.
They will change when they are ready, or they won’t.
Or, the heart wrenching one, either they will love you enough that they will realize it’s you or their addiction and they will get the help they need. Or they’ll choose their addiction and drag you along. But the bottom line is that you should want an addict to do it for themselves before anyone else..
Will and I on the other hand fought a long, long fight. When I say fought, I mean emotionally and physically. We fought until we couldn’t fight anymore. I say this because we fought over his addiction, or he was under the influence and it would cause him to act out in ways he never would if he were sober. People change, especially when they’re under the influence. & sometimes people change for good, & sometimes the drugs they get addicted too change who they are forever.
In my next few blogs I’m going to share with you my experience of a toxic relationship and how it effected my anxiety and PTSD. At the time of this particular relationship I had only been diagnosed with “generalized anxiety.” Which I think I was falsely diagnosed but that’s beyond my point here. My blogs are fully 100% from real life experiences, so I hope you read my next blog!
Still I Rise,