Mental, verbal and physical abuse

It’s important to know and realize that not only is every relationship different but every toxic relationship is different. Different people manipulate in different ways & different people abuse in different ways. 
I can’t stress enough that you don’t need to be touched in order to be abused. 

I was called ugly and full of myself, I thought I was better than everyone & I was “sucking the soul out of him”, that I was selfish & too thin, no one wanted me, I was told what to wear, where I could go, I could go on and on.. that is just some examples of verbal & mental abuse that I went through. Like the saying, if you’re told something so many times your mind begins to believe it. 

Mental abuse is more common than the public thinks, verbal and physical too. Physical tends to happen when no one is around and one person gets angry. If someone does those horrible things to you, and says those things to you. That. Is. not. Love. Period. These things are often seen in addicts but people who don’t even use drugs or drink can be known to do these types of abuse. I use addiction because in my case addiction was the reason. 

The thing that breaks my heart looking back, is I saw Wills moms heart break right before my eyes. He would verbally abuse me in front of his parents, his family, who ever he didn’t care. His parents constantly got onto him for it. Wills parents didn’t raise him to be this way, and I know that for a fact. 

Every night he’d come home loaded I could see a piece of his moms heart break and his dad would be so disappointed. I watched this cycle happen for years and years. I even called a rehab center and got him a bed, he signed himself out within his 72 hour rights and never took his medication he was given. 

You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. As much as it may hurt you or your family, you simply can’t. He got physical with me inside the rehab facility he was in and I had to leave. 

At a certain point I think he might have hated me for trying to help him, because he didn’t want to be helped. And that’s okay too. But that’s his life and I was just about done dealing with all of that. I was coming to the realization that I didn’t deserve it. It took me a long, long 5 years to realize this. I know people are probably thinking you should have already known you were better than that. But let me tell you, manipulation is a serious thing and will alter the way you think about your self and every situation Around you. Especially if you add abuse on top of it. 

I hate the word victim. I’ve experienced mental, verbal and physical abuse by someone who I thought loved me & I did love. Any kind of abuse is not love. No matter what they say. 

He would get so into my head I remember I’d look in the mirror and think I was truly ugly & who would want me? Am I too thin? I eat, I eat a lot.. idk why I’m so skinny. Nobody else wants me, I’m stuck. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I remember being embarrassed of how I looked for a very, very long time. When people you love say things hurtful to you, they tend to stay in your head longer than if it were a random person. 

I’m not weak because he got into my head that way, & if you’re in a similar situation you’re not weak either. They’re what you call a mass manipulator. A narcissist. 

They want you to feel stuck. You’re not. You’re never stuck. You’re beautiful and you’re so much stronger than you ever thought you were. 

Any form of abuse is never alright. 

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship of any sort 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. They are available 24/7 and have helped me plenty of times. 

Still I rise, 

Kirsten 

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