Hey guys, sorry I’ve been absent from my blog. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues and life just keeps on going! Im just going to post the next blog I was working on, so here it is!
After I left the psychiatric hospital & broke up with Will I slowly gained my relationship with my family back. I’d go to family functions, I talked to my parents more, I wasn’t always broke, things were looking up. While with Will I basically lost my relationship with my parents. Whom I had been close to my whole life. My dad had always been like my best friend, I wasn’t ever as close to my mom as my dad. But he was my go to. I love my dad more than I could ever describe in words and I lost my relationship with he and my mom, my whole family really. If I went to family functions that was the biggest argument or he’d ‘kill’ himself if I went. That was my issue. He was using such a traumatic experience for me over my head. Which is beyond wrong. I let him win. Not only did he win my sanity, but he took me away from the people who love me most, my family, my friends couldn’t stand him, I couldn’t do anything. Ever. I could barely use my own car. Looking back it saddens me on how I allowed him to control my life and emotions on such a level. I’m sure there are people reading this thinking I’m such an idiot, and by all means. You’re allowed your opinion and I respect it. But don’t judge shoes you’ve never walked in.
I dated Will for 5 years. Do you know how many times he saw my family. Scratch that. Do you know how many times he was around my dad? ONCE. one time. My dad couldn’t tell you what Will looked like if he was standing right in front of him. That’s sad. My mom either. Hell, my whole family.
I remember going to Christmas parties alone and everything like that but then it got to the point where I couldn’t go to them because he’d have my car and I had no way there.
There’s an Academy near where I live and one night I remember clear as day. We went Christmas shopping with his parents and I drove my car and his parents drove theirs. He was loaded beyond words. His parents were there so I felt safe if anything were to happen. That night we were ready to leave, done shopping and he started belligerently screaming at his parents in the parking lot. Legit screaming at the top of his lungs. I just kept telling him to get in one of the cars and to calm down. Nothing was wrong, nothing happened. No one said anything to make him upset. It literally came from nowhere. He started running from us through the parking lot, running in front of cars screaming. He began crying. I’m not sure what even brought this on but we were out there for a good 2 hours literally chasing him. I’d sit and just see if he’d come to the car. He eventually came to the car and I was scared at that point and made him ride with his parents.
There were numerous times that I was scared. More than I can count, and I can’t even believe I stayed as long as I did. His parents would always tell me I didn’t deserve that and I needed to leave. The paramedics that came when He hung himself told me I needed to leave him, everyone told me I needed to leave. Literally everyone. I can’t explain what it was. Because I definitely didn’t like the thrill I legit was scared a lot of the time.
Something’s you’ll just never be able to explain and that will always be one of mine.
Still I rise,