Why I stayed in a toxic relationship

So many people message me asking “why did you stay so long? If he was on drugs and treated you that way?” 
When I first began dating Will, he wasn’t a hardcore drug user, or anything like that. When I got pregnant he was amazing, so excited. But drugs took his personality, his mind, his health, hell you name it drugs took it from him.

I stayed because

 1. I still loved the person he originally was 

2. I prayed he’d get help and stop 

3. I made excuses for him 

4. I was scared

5. At a certain point it becomes normal life to be treated that way. (As sad as that sounds.) 
I’ve been judged by so, so many people for staying with Will. People in my town, family, friends, you name them. I loved him & stood by him through some of his hardest times. Is it embarrassing? Now, absolutely because of the way he treated me, & just a long list of reasons. He was extremely selfish as most addicts are. 

I remember when I was modeling, I was flown to New York City to meet with agents, managers, agencies. I had photo shoots out there. It was a huge opportunity for my career. Guess where Will was my whole time in New York? Jail. I couldn’t share this amazing experience, life changing, beautiful opportunity with the person I was with. I was in New York for New Years which made it even more special. He wasn’t there to tell me bye at the airport, or pick me up. He couldn’t care less about my trip. 

I remember telling him about my trip when he came home, because I was actually, for one of the few times while being with him was so happy and proud of myself. I told him how I met with Tyra Banks manager & had a photo shoot with Marta Michaud. Marta Michaud found the first male model for Wilhelmina Models and opened her own agency after that. This trip was amazing and life changing, but I didn’t have him to share this important milestone in my life with. I didn’t get half way through sharing my experience with him and he told me “what you think you’re hot shit now? You’re better than me now bitch? You ain’t no body.” 

It’s things like that, that you never forget. But I never missed a beat in his life and was always right by his side. 

People I know personally still ask me, why? How did you put up with that? I just say love is a crazy thing. I would never put up with the things I did in the past now. I learned so much from that relationship that I thank god for it, but I also thank god that I’m still alive. 

There were times I was scared for my life, not only my life but his parents too. & that makes it an even scarier situation. His parents couldn’t tell you his next move. I remember he was pissed at his mom because she wouldn’t give him money and I wouldn’t give him the keys to my car and he went outside, slamming the door. 

A few minutes went by and I went to check on him and he aimed a gun at me. I ran into his moms room & she went out side and he said “I wasn’t really gunna do nothin” regardless that’s scary. If you will hurt yourself, who is to say you wouldn’t hurt someone else? And the way an addict gets when they can’t get their fix, you can’t know what they’ll do. 
Wills mom is a strong woman. She’s a woman of god, strength, integrity. She loves her children. She’s been through a lot. And my heart aches that she went through that time with him, as a mom now I can’t imagine the feeling of watching your son go through such a hard time. I will always admire her strength. 

Still I rise,

Kirsten

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3 thoughts on “Why I stayed in a toxic relationship

  1. Anonymous says:

    So you jut got a divorce and you’re already out at the bar throwing your pussy at people. Sounds like you dj t really have anxiety you’re just addicted to attention, and when you don’t have it you panic

    Like

  2. Anonymous says:

    “Will” is not “Will” his name is Dale Hoffman. He’s a fucking idiot. Lives in Folsom. I beat his ass years ago. Stupid dope head loser. Your dumb for staying with him and letting him treat you like that. Your dad should have beat him like I did.

    Like

    • Anonymous says:

      For one Mr. Anonymous, you’re so big and bad you beat his ass but you can’t put your name? Pussy.
      Two, you’re writing on a woman’s blog at 4 in the morning! Lmfaoo…
      You’re not beating anything but your own meat.
      It’s Huffman* You fucking idiot.
      They were both dumb for staying together, it should have ended way before it did.
      I seriously doubt you “beat his ass.”
      Also, that would be the last thing her father did!
      🙂
      Good day, Mr. Anonymous!

      Like

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